Cenotaph
by Penguin-chan
Summary: Legolas has to face the harsh reality that dwarves cannot live forever. (LegolasGimli slash.)


**Cenotaph** by **Penguin**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Lord of the Rings.

**Pairing:** Legolas/Gimli

**Warning/s:** First and foremost, there will be slash. Gay love, indeed. I'm afraid that Legolas is a bit out-of-character but I'm pretty sure that I did a good enough job on Gimli. This gets a bit morbid halfway, too.

**A/N:** This is my first LOTR fanfiction _ever_. Hopefully, it won't seem so bad to you. I also haven't read any LOTR fanfiction in months. Yes, months. I would really appreciate helpful reviews (and a beta-reader -hint-). :)

———

Gimli, do you remember?

Do you remember that day when we were traveling together to Mirkwood, to meet my kin? The road was hard and dust-strewn. You looked horrible, which is not to say that you looked handsome on any other day. You were sweating and huffing and sweating… I remember it so well; your wrinkled face was further creased with anxiety. You were really anxious to meet my father and mother. You were afraid that my kin would treat you with hostility (for the mere reason that you're a dwarf), were you not?

I was anxious too. But for _your_ sake. It was because of that very reason that I did what I had done that day.

I fell into a slow pace. Do you recall? Yes, I walked at a snail's pace until you were ahead of me and then I hid behind a bush. It took you a minute to notice that I was gone.

You screamed my name over and over again, as if it was your air — as if the act of calling out my name was what separated you from Death and the land of the Living.

'Legolas!' you bellowed. I was half sure that your voice could be heard all the way to Mordor. I even jested about it afterwards, telling you that you could have woken up Sauron's carcass.

But let us go back to the story.

At the point where you were most agitated, I leaped out from my hiding place and pulled you down by the hair. You fell on the hard ground but did not seem truly hurt. Your pride hurt more than your back that day, I am sure. I straddled you, smoothed out the folds on your brow, kissed your mouth that spewed out all manners of curses.

Desire rolled through both of our bodies — back and forth, back and forth.

We were happy then.

Gimli, do you remember?

———

It was a winter. Snow danced down upon Middle-Earth covering anything and everything in sight.

How could I have known that it, too, would cover our hearts?

It was a very windy day, as I recall. We lay on the riverbank, regardless of the thick blanket of snow that had formed there. The river was frozen, but we didn't care.

A snowflake descended on your nose and I smiled and wiped it away. You laughed, too, and we made love on that cold winter day, on the riverbank.

The heat of our bodies combined with our passion nearly equaled the cold of winter.

After our tryst, I told you that I would love you forever.

You got angry and said that we couldn't be united forever. I told you that I would never leave you and then I touched you… but you pulled back.

'I'm dying,' you whispered, then.

I argued with you. You were not dying! Of course, we would always be together, for all time!

But you shook you're head and told me that we'd be separated someday.

That day was spent arguing and crying. In the end, I gave in and apologized to you.

You told me that endings are inevitable and I accepted it, only too painfully aware of your mortality. Little did I know that my acquiescence marked the beginning of our sad times.

———

You lay on your deathbed that night of screams and tears.

I was strangely calm while you were breathing your last. Your father was wailing, complaining that it wasn't fair. He should have died first, not you… He reminded me of Theoden and the same, cruel fate that he had to suffer, too.

Gimli, do you remember?

You held out your hand to me and I took it in my own. You said that I had won because I lived while you were going to die. I shook my head. I said that we both lost.

You coughed, sick and feeble.

I told you that I would still love you forever even when the stars cease to shine and then you started crying. It was quiet at first. Your tears just spilled onto your cheeks and you were defiantly mute. When I assured you that I would keep my promise, you started crying loudly. I was grief-stricken and yet unable to cry out in my despondency.

With your last breath, you squeezed my hand and whispered, 'You still hold sway over me on my deathbed like you had for fifty years, Master Elf.'

Gimli, do you remember?

———

It's been a long time since you passed on. I miss you dearly, Gimli, and I do wish that I could talk to you a bit longer. Dreams are always so ephemeral. If I could spend forever dreaming of you, then I would.

Sometimes I wish that I could die so I would forget all about you but sometimes, I desperately want to live so I could relive all my memories of you over and over again, everyday. I am stuck in a world that never changes — a world that has me, but not you. In my other world, there is only you, but not I. I am powerless in both worlds. It's a cruel and unfair fate that I would not wish on anyone.

Gimli, do you remember?

Fifty years ago you told me, on your deathbed, that I had won.

But it is not so.

I do not see how I could have won anything. I'm dead, Gimli, quite _dead_. Everyday is a drudge without you. I see things but in a different light from the one I had before you passed on. I'm incapable of feeling and I am left alone.

While it's true that _I'm_ dead, you live on in my memories. You found a way to cheat death, Gimli, son of Gloin. You cheated death and lived on in this elf's heart.

….now, Gimli, do you remember?

———

Ack. I'm so sorry about the word repetition and all! I honestly have NO idea how to write an LOTR fic. It's very noisy here, too, with lots of distractions and… anyway, please review!


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